Financial infidelity is real
The hardest part of talking to your partner about money is actually getting started. And if you haven’t yet, you’re certainly not alone – we see married couples still Venmoing each other for rent. Here is a step-by-step guide to starting that conversation with your significant other.
48% of millennials have cheated on their partner financially.
And by cheated, we mean purposefully either:
did not disclose what they’ve spent
did not disclose their debt, or
straight up lied about those numbers.
Not only have almost half of all millennials cheated on their partner financially, but couples who reported disagreeing about finances once a week were over 30% more likely to get divorced than couples who reported disagreeing about finances a few times a month.
In short: the more you fight about money, the more likely you are to get divorced.
The numbers speak for themselves.
After you’ve let that sink in for a minute, we’re hoping you understand the significance of being on the same page as your partner.
The importance of financial unity in relationships
In case those numbers didn’t give you enough reason to be on the same page as your partner, you can trust us when we say life gets a lot easier when you are.
It’s more common than not for us to see a saver married to a spender, or someone with a boatload of student loan debt married to someone without any, or someone with an insane credit card balance living with - you guessed it - someone without.
Opposites attract, right?
But when you and your partner are on the same page financially, you can start working towards your goals together. That’s the team approach you came together for in the first place. Planning for travel, building a home, retirement one day, should be something you all look forward to together. You’re planning for a best case scenario and including each other in those plans.
But the only way that happens is through open, honest conversation.
Because even with white lies, the truth comes out a little at a time.
Steps to financial harmony: a couple’s guide
The best way to get on the same page as your partner is to start by coming clean about your cash. If you aren’t honest at the starting line, you probably won’t ever cross the finish line.
Beginning the conversation with a “what’s ours” mentality as opposed to “what’s mine” and “what’s yours” is the second step. But in order to break the ice, we’re going to give you a cheat sheet for ways to start this conversation if it’s not one you’re exactly looking forward to.
And remember - most of the time, bad money habits come from a lack of education. Your partner’s money habits, if they’re poor, are probably because this stuff isn't taught in school. Not because they’re intentionally trying to sabotage you.
(Unless your partner is Kathy Bates.)
The second thing to keep in mind: if you’re clearly on opposite pages, you have to start with whether your partner acknowledges that they struggle with money. If they don't acknowledge it or don't see it, there's nothing there to change. The first step toward changing is accepting that there is something that needs to change.
Okay. May we suggest opening a bottle and having a glass or two before you get started?
Conversation starter #1: discuss your goals
Discuss your goals. Unless you have a conversation about what your short-, mid-, and long-term financial goals are, you have no clue what's at stake. Also: write them down. Trust us here.
Saving for the sake of saving can feel like a never ending task. But putting a name on that goal gives you a target to aim for. Do you guys want to buy a house someday? Do you want to upgrade your lifestyle? Take more vacations? Plan for a family? Relocate? Quit your job? If you don't know where you're headed, it's impossible to measure if you're making progress towards your destination or the impact your sh*tty financial habits are having.
Conversation starter #2: define your best case scenario
Zoom out a little further if goal-setting isn’t exactly part of your routine conversation. Turn the talk into a game. What’s your best case scenario for age 60? And what about 80? What would be the worst possible life for you at those ages?
Get into the details. Where are you living? What kind of transportation are you working with? Do you have kids/grandkids? What do you do during the week? Where is your favorite vacation spot?
The ability to picture what you want to do with your life - both before retirement and after - brings the fact that it is coming into reality. It’s an unaggressive way to make the conversation around money feel real and not attacking.
Start with the price tag of your best case scenario and work backwards from there.
Conversation starter #3: offer to bring in a 3rd party
Involve a 3rd party. There's nothing worse than being the one who nags in the relationship. That way, the 3rd party can take the brunt of being the bad guy so that you don't have to. If your partner won't take advice from you, maybe they'll take advice from someone without skin in your game.
Financial goals for couples
With the Stash Plan for Couples, we’ve seen couples plan for the most incredible experiences together. They’re figuring out ways to look out for the kids, locking in vacation homes, and everything in between.
Planning for your future should be romantic. Not fight-inducing.
Some of our favorite couple goals have been:
Never flying coach for flights longer than 2.5 hours.
Setting up a ceramic studio in the basement.
Taking a 6 month cruise.
Sending the kids to college.
Buying a 1971 VW bus.
Preventative botox.
Purchasing a second home in Maui.
Time to get started working together. And if you decide to call in that third party, you know where to find us.
Stash Wealth provides financial plans designed to assist high earning young professionals build and manage their wealth.
Stash Wealth offers a pragmatic approach to financial planning and wealth management. Whether saving up for Tahiti or a Tesla, we help you achieve your short-term and long-term goals.
Written by Stash Wealth Staff Writer
Stash Wealth Staff Writers are knowledgeable about personal finance topics. Their objective is to unravel the complexities of finance trade jargon, products, and services in order to equip HENRYs with a sound understanding of financial matters.
