Ep 10 | Rethinking ‘Yours’ and ‘Mine’—How to Win With Money as a Team
Combining finances isn’t just about the numbers—it’s about working as a team. In this episode, Priya Malani unpacks how couples can approach money with a partnership mindset, leveraging each other’s strengths instead of battling over differences.
She breaks down why childhood money habits still shape your decisions, how to communicate without tension, and why a strong financial foundation starts with mindset—not micromanagement. Whether you're merging finances or just figuring out how to work together, this episode will help you build a winning approach that keeps both your money and your relationship thriving.
Tune Into This Episode to Hear:
Why your childhood money lessons might be running the show and how to rewrite the script.
The secret to avoiding financial fights by building a system that makes decisions for you.
How to merge finances without losing control—or turning into your partner’s accountant.
The surprisingly simple way to take the stress out of money so your relationship can thrive.
Follow Priya Malani:
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Transcription
I like to think of money habits like accents. You don't even realize you have one until you hear someone else talk. Maybe your family never discussed money, so the idea of spreadsheets feels like overkill. Or maybe your parents were extra cautious, and seeing your partner drop $2,000 on a spontaneous weekend getaway stresses you out. Who am I to tell you what to do with your money? My name is Priya Malani, and I currently manage millions of hardworking dollars. Enough foreplay. Anyway, let’s talk money. Welcome to The F Word — smart money, now we talk.
I could never combine finances with my partner. Have you ever thought that? Or maybe you've heard someone else say it? Merging money with someone else feels risky. What if they have debt? What if they spend differently than you? What if they’re not as financially savvy? What if you lose control over the money you’ve worked hard for? And when’s the right time to merge? When you move in together? When you’re married? Before you’re married? The questions are real, and most of them can be rooted in a bit of childhood trauma, which I’ll get into later.
Here’s the thing: If you judge someone solely by their financial flaws, you might be missing the bigger picture. Let me talk about Shaquille O’Neal. People who know me will get a kick out of this because my background is in performing arts, not sports, so I really have no business making this analogy. But let’s talk about Shaq. Shaquille O'Neal was objectively terrible at free throws. If you only looked at his free throws, you might think, “Yeah, I don’t want that guy on my team.” But without him, the Lakers don’t win championships. Shaq wasn’t just a free throw liability; he was also a dominant force who could change the entire game with his presence. When you build a team, you don’t obsess over weaknesses — you play to each other’s strengths. The same goes for your money team. Just because your partner has student loans or a different spending style doesn’t mean they’re bad with money. And it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work together as a team. It likely means you need a strategy that helps you both play to your strengths.
Today, we’re talking about how to stop thinking of money as “yours” and “mine,” and start operating as a team — without losing your independence, sanity, or feeling like you’re signing up for financial babysitting. Quick side note: If your significant other is actually a financial dumpster fire, or as I like to call them, a “hot money mess,” dump them. No, I’m kidding. But if after listening to this episode, you realize your partner would never, ever, ever get on board with any of this — I’d have some reservations.
Let’s get into it. I want to start by saying that if you and your partner struggle to get on the same page with money, in the words of Michael Jackson, you’re not alone. And honestly, it would be really weird if you two just naturally agreed on money from day one. Why? Because you grew up in two different households with different financial habits, values, and priorities. Again, think of money habits like accents. You don’t even realize you have one until you hear someone else talk. Maybe your family never talked about money, so the idea of spreadsheets and budgeting feels like overkill. Or maybe your parents were extra cautious, and seeing your partner drop $2,000 on a spontaneous weekend getaway stresses you the hell out.
Here’s where it gets even wilder: Research suggests that most of our financial habits are set by age seven. Seven. That means by the time you’re a full adult, if you’re in a serious relationship, you’ve already spent decades reinforcing your money mindset. And your partner has too. So, yeah, of course, you don’t see eye to eye right away. But the good news is that you don’t have to change each other. You just need to change your system.
I want to focus on the system because, after decades of doing this, I’ve learned one thing for sure: Money makes people act irrationally. Even smart, high-earning, wildly successful people make inconsistent money decisions every day. I bet you know someone who refuses to pay for shipping but will drop $200 on bottle service. Or someone who says investing is too risky but then YOLOs a down payment on a house they haven’t even run the numbers on. This is called behavioral finance, and it’s why systems matter more than willpower. When people say, “I don’t trust myself with money,” what they really mean is, “I don’t have a system that removes my ability to screw it up.” So, your system is the key to working as a team. It’s not about willpower. It’s not about magically becoming better with money one day. Stop wishing for that. And it’s definitely not about avoiding tough conversations by saying, “We just keep things separate.”
If you’ve decided to be together and tackle life as a team, why wouldn’t you approach your financial life the same way? I truly believe that if you have a system in place that makes failure impossible — whatever failure means to you — you’ll never look back. Again, everyone comes to the table with strengths and weaknesses. Maybe your partner isn’t great at saving but is incredible at making money. Or maybe they’re excellent at tracking spending but not so great at investing. The goal isn’t to fix each other’s flaws — it’s to build a system where both of you contribute your strengths. The sooner you stop focusing on each other’s flaws and start focusing on how to win together, the sooner you’ll actually start making progress as a team.
Working as a team doesn’t mean merging all your accounts, but let’s talk about that for a second. What are you really afraid of? Usually, people say, “I don’t want to merge accounts because I don’t want to lose control.” Maybe you’ve worked hard to be financially independent, or maybe you saw your parents fight about money and vowed never to be in that position. I get that. But working as a team doesn’t mean giving up control. In fact, it could mean more control with structure and systems.
Think of it like a company. Apple doesn’t let Tim Cook wing it with bookkeeping. They have departments, structure, and financial systems in place to make sure things run smoothly. Your relationship should work the same way. Once you set up a system that’s clear, automated, and fair, you don’t have to micromanage every transaction. And you won’t have to worry about losing control because the system itself gives you control.
My goal here is to help you realize that your mindset and habits, locked in at age seven, shouldn’t stop you and your partner from thinking about and working towards your goals. At the same time, just because your partner tracks every penny doesn’t mean you have to start doing that too. Smart money management doesn’t require micromanagement.
So, what’s the be-all, end-all system? I can’t think of a better way to put it. Next week, I’m going to show you how to build a simple system that works for your relationship. Couples always tell us, “We’ve hit our 30s, we have all these accounts floating around, and it’s just too much to manage. We don’t know what to keep, what to kill. Merging everything feels like we’ll lose autonomy or one of us will become dependent on the other.” That concern can be even stronger when you feel like you’re the less financially savvy half of the couple. I was talking to someone the other day who’s super successful, but her husband works at Deloitte. After they got married, she was convinced that if they merged their finances, she’d be left out of the loop — not because he was going to hide anything, but because money was his thing. She worried she’d wake up one day and feel disconnected from her own finances, or even like she wasn’t allowed to spend her own money. It’s a real fear.
Next week, we’re getting tactical. Whether you’ve been together three years or 13, if your money system is a headache, you’re doing it wrong. We’ll talk about the exact bank accounts you need (hint: probably fewer than you think), where your paycheck should go so there’s never a fight about who covers what, and how to build a system that’s so simple, it practically runs itself. Because, as far as I’m concerned, when your money works, your relationship works better too. Period.
See you next week!
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