Ep 11 | The Only Bank Account Setup Couples Actually Need
Most couples default to splitting expenses in a way that feels fair—but is actually setting them up for financial tension. In this episode, Priya Malani breaks down the exact system couples should use to manage their money smoothly and effectively.
She debunks the most common (but flawed) approaches, like proportional expense splitting, and explains why a winning financial system is about teamwork, not keeping score. By the end, you’ll have a clear, actionable strategy to eliminate money stress, create financial security, and give both partners the freedom to spend without guilt.
Tune Into This Episode to Hear:
Why splitting expenses “fairly” might actually be making things worse.
The biggest money mistake high earners make in relationships—and how to fix it.
How the right financial system gives both partners freedom and security.
The simple setup that eliminates financial tension and lets you spend without guilt.
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Transcription
So let's talk about one of the most backward systems I see couples use. Splitting expenses proportionate to income. I've heard a lot of talk recently about how expenses should be split not equally, but equitably. Oh my God, I hate this one. On the surface, it sounds logical. If one person makes more, they cover more. That way, no one feels stretched too thin and everything stays fair. But here's the thing. Listen, fair doesn't always mean functional. And in the long run, I'm going to show you this system doesn't just fail. It actually actively works against you. Who the f*** am I to tell you what to do with your money? My name is Priya Malani, currently managing millions of hardworking dollars in F4Play. Let's talk money. Welcome to the F word. Smart money. No toll.
Today, I'm breaking down the simplest, most efficient system for handling your money as a couple. Someone said to me recently, I make way more than my partner. Doesn't that mean I should have more say? Um, no. And honestly, if that's how your partner thinks, run. To be clear, if you're in a relationship where you actually see a future together, the goal is teamwork, not scorekeeping. And if you're going to keep tally of who changes more diapers, I don't know, maybe that's your life. But I think if your financial setup feels more like a power struggle rather than a power struggle, than a partnership, you probably need, one, a system that keeps things fair, which is near impossible, or two, a prenup, which I'll definitely talk about in future episodes. Because when your financial system isn't clear, people start thinking all kinds of weird things like, I make more, shouldn't I have more say? Or I don't trust myself with money, so I'd rather just keep things separate. Or merging finances means I'm probably going to lose control, right? Let's get real for a second. I'm talking to high earners. Anyone making six figures. If that's you, you don't have a money problem. You have a money management problem. And today, we're fixing that. Because when it comes to couples and money, there's one system I believe in, one system I will die on a hill for. And if you're in a serious relationship, this system will work for you. Married or not, if you're planning your lives together, you need this system. And in most cases, I believe you need this system. No. Later than when you move in together. It's funny how people will Google best investment strategies or how to optimize my taxes, but when it comes to structuring their money as a couple, no Google search history to be found. I think it's because a system feels like rules, like restriction, like something that's going to take away your freedom. But here's the irony. When you don't have a system, you actually have less control, not more. Without a system, money conversations turn into confusion, resentment, and mental gymnastics over who paid for what. And that's when the financial friction builds. But with a system, everything runs on autopilot. No more nickel and diming. No more who owes how much money. No more power struggles. And I think that's why every couple who resists this at first ends up loving it. You know how they say, if you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together? Once you're playing as a team, instead of keeping score, I swear everything, everything changes. So by the end of this episode, you'll know exactly how to handle your money as a team without resentment, without nickel and diming, and without feeling financially stuck.
Okay. So I'm going to start on a rather hot topic. Okay. Okay. Okay. And that is, should you merge your accounts? People have all kinds of strong opinions about this. Your parents probably did it one way, your friends do it another. And finfluencers, present, all have their varying opinions with different levels of conviction. Some people think merging accounts is a sign of ultimate commitment. Others think it's old school and keeping things separate is the only way to maintain independence. And some of you? Some of you, you're still Venmo-ing each other for rent after 10 years together. We literally see it all the time. But here's the thing. A lot of what you've heard is wrong. I believe if you don't get this right, you could end up in a situation that's frustrating, unfair, or just an absolute nightmare to untangle later. The problem is that most couples don't have a plan, right? They either merge everything and hope for the best, or they keep things separate and end up in this... This constant game of who owes what. And neither of those approaches really work in the long run. So let's talk about one of the most backward systems I see couples use. Splitting expenses proportionate to income. I've heard a lot of talk recently about how expenses should be split not equally, but equitably. Oh my god, I hate this one. On the surface, it sounds logical. If one person makes more, they cover more. That way, no one feels stretched too thin, and everything stays fair. But here's the thing. Fair doesn't always mean functional. And in the long run, I'm going to show you, this system doesn't just fail. It actually actively works against you.
Here's why. Let's start with number one. This system, proportionate, splitting, reinforces the gap instead of closing it. Right? If one of you makes $200,000 and the other makes $100,000, a proportional split means the higher earner can save and invest at a much faster rate, while the lower earner covers their, quote, fair share, but has significantly less leftover. Fast forward a few years, and you haven't just split expenses fairly, you've widened the financial gap between the two of you. If you're serious about building a life together, why would you set up a system that keeps one of you permanently behind? Because let's remember, your incomes are not fixed numbers. Life will happen. Someone will take time off for the kids. Someone will switch careers. Someone will get laid off. If your system only works when the higher earner is thriving, it's a fragile system.
Number two, it creates an unspoken power dynamic. Even if you guys are not in a position to do that, you're not going to be able to do that. If you guys think you would never use money as leverage against each other, when one person is footing more of the bill, it starts to seep into other decision-making. Not necessarily in a I make more so I call the shots kind of way, but in the small stuff. Like, I cover more, so shouldn't I have the final say on big purchases? Or I pay more, so shouldn't we vacation kind of where I want to? Or I make less, so I feel good about it. Even in the healthiest relationships, financial imbalance creates subtle power dynamics. And if you think you're immune, consider this. When someone loses a job or steps back from work, even temporarily, does it still feel fair to split expenses proportionally?
All right, number three. I believe it becomes a lifetime penalty for the lower earner. If you're the lower earner, you're not going to be able to do that. If you're the lower earner, this setup ensures that you'll always have less discretionary income, less flexibility, and fewer opportunities to build wealth. Why? Because instead of pooling resources and moving forward together, you're tying your financial security to your individual incomes. And what happens if the higher earner person wants to take a career risk, maybe? Or the lower earner person never catches up? Are you still splitting proportionally? Or does the power dynamic shift again? Fair today doesn't necessarily mean fair tomorrow. And that brings me to number four. Fair is a moving target. Let's talk about this obsession with fair. Life isn't fair. Proportional splitting assumes fairness is static. But fairness is a moving target. One of you probably works longer hours. One of you might take on more of the money. One of you might take on more of the mental load at home. One of you might manage the finances more proactively. One of you might read more stories to the kids before bed. Trying to make money exactly fair without considering all the other ways you guys contribute is an illusion. It also means you didn't listen to episode 10 where I break down the winning mindset for couples. So go listen to that. Life isn't fair. Fair isn't the goal. The goal is to build a financial structure that works no matter what. And by now, I hope you see that proportional splitting may sound logical, but long-term, it's a strategy that buckles under pressure. The real question isn't what's the fairest way to split expenses. It's how do we structure our money so that we both win? And that mindset changes everything.
So the better approach, a system that actually supports you both, is what I want to talk about next. Instead of keeping score on who owes what, the best system is one that, A, covers shared expenses in a way that doesn't penalize the lower earner. B, focuses on growing shared wealth instead of just splitting bills. And C, creates financial security for both partners, not just the higher earner. Because at the end of the day, your financial system shouldn't be designed for fairness. It should be designed for your mutual success. Alex and Jordan were in their mid-30s when we spoke. Alex is a consultant, making $275. And Jordan is a tech product manager, earning around $220, I think. They love their high-rise apartment in Chicago. Great view. They travel a ton. They're maxing out their 401ks. But when it comes to managing money together, total headache. For years, they had Venmo'd each other back and forth for rent, groceries, every little expense, right? Then they kept Venmoing each other, but attempted to split each purchase based on their income levels. Because Alex made more, he covered a little more than 50%, and Jordan made a little less, so he covered a little less than 50%. Not only were they working full-time, but they somehow created another meeting on their calendar to do the math and break up every one of their expenses every single week. So when Jordan suggested merging everything, Alex panicked. He was like, I don't want to feel like, like I have to ask you before I buy something, which everyone gets. You might already know where I'm going to go with this. I see so many couples drowning in unnecessary bank accounts, random checking accounts, multiple credit cards, old savings accounts from college days. It's too much. So let's talk about how to structure your accounts so managing money as a couple becomes effortless.
All right, I'm going to walk you through it. Step one, the joint checking account. I want you to think of this as your money HQ, right? Your headquarters. It's the first thing you need is one joint checking account. I call it your headquarters because this is where all the action happens from. You can't have two headquarters. You just have one. This is where everything happens from. Your paychecks go directly into this account, and all of your expenses, notice I didn't say shared expenses, get paid from this account. This is not about losing financial independence. It's about making your money system work so that you're not constantly Venmoing each other back and forth for target runs. Now, if you're still getting paid into separate accounts, that stops today. Direct deposit goes into this joint account, and then money moves in and out automatically. Before I move on, I want to talk about credit cards real quick. You don't need a bunch. For most couples, three to five is plenty. Okay. Okay. What really matters is that you keep your utilization under 30%, and more importantly, most importantly, that you guys put all your shared expenses on one credit card. Why? I'll tell you. First, it keeps things crystal clear. You can see exactly how much you've spent, both of you, all in one place. Two, it makes sure that you guys have enough cash in your joint checking account, your headquarters, to pay the balance off in full every month. And three, it maximizes your use and therefore benefit of a credit cards rewards program.
Step two to your new system. It's your personal, no questions asked, accounts. Some people worry if we combine finances, if we merge our accounts, if we have our direct deposits going into one account, will I have to ask permission every time I want to buy something? Nope. This is where your personal accounts come in. Each of you gets your own. Separate checking account, in your name only, for personal spending. Every month, a set amount gets transferred from your HQ into it. And this is your no questions asked money. You want to buy overpriced sneakers? Do it. You want to spend on excessive amounts of skincare or video games or something ridiculous? Go for it. Your partner doesn't get a say, and neither do you in what they do with theirs. There's just two simple rules. The first is that you each get the same amount transferred in. And the second, you can't comment on what your partner spends their money on. And to be clear, this isn't money for groceries, bills, or daily life. That's what your joint checking account is for. This is for the things that you totally have enough money for. But the sheer idea of spending money on certain things drives your partner crazy. For example, your Pokemon card addiction. Buy those with your personal stash.
Step three, accounts for the short term. So you need separate savings accounts, specifically high yield savings accounts at an online bank, to hold money for one, your emergency fund. And two, anything else you guys want to do in the next couple of years. Before setting up these accounts, you want to take a minute, sit down with your partner, and decide what are our short term priorities. Think travel fund, holiday gifts fund, upcoming home renovations. Ideally, you want a separate account, nicknamed, for each priority or goal. I break this system down a little bit more in episode five, but the premise here is that instead of scrambling to come up with cash for when these things happen, you set money aside automatically so it's there when you need it. So example, if travel is important to you guys, you would have a travel savings account, high yield savings account, and you would set up a monthly transfer from your joint checking into your travel fund. When it's time to book a trip, well, one, you know how much money's in there, which makes it so much more fun to know what kind of trip you can afford. But then also, you can really go spend that money guilt-free.
Step four, accounts for the mid to long term. So the money in your checking account is for today. The money in your short term savings accounts is for the next couple years. And obviously, your emergency fund. But what about everything beyond that? That's where investing comes into the picture. If your employer offers 401k, 403b, you contribute directly from your paycheck before it even hits your checking account, right? But if they don't sponsor a retirement plan, you'll want to open up maybe a regular or a Roth IRA. In addition, you'll also want a separate investment account for anything you're saving for that's going to happen before retirement, right? This is typical. This is typically called a taxable brokerage account. And this step is crucial because your cash savings will never build you wealth. Your investments will.
There you have it. At the end of the day, this is about building a life together, not about running a budget or spreadsheet. You're not roommates splitting the cable bill. You're not business partners negotiating like equity stake. You're a team. And the best teams? The best teams don't waste time keeping score. They set up systems that make sure they win. This system works because it eliminates friction. It removes the need to ask, who paid for that? And it ensures you both have autonomy. And my favorite part is it finally cuts the so-called spender of the partnership a break. It also talks some sense into the saver, right? That everything's going to be okay. Because in most couples, I find the saver acts like they're carrying the whole financial burden. But if your system is set up right, the spender can spend, the saver is saving, and neither of you has to micromanage every transaction. So most importantly, it gives you guys full permission, both of you, to spend the money you work so hard for. Because everything else, your savings, your investments, your priorities, is already handled. If you take nothing else from this episode, take this. Managing money as a couple should be simple. If your system feels like a full-time job, you're doing it wrong. So set it up, automate it, and let it run. And then go live your life. Because money should be a tool, not a stressor. All right. See you next week.
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