Ep 13 | Why You Might Need a Prenup (Even If You’re Not Rich) With Ian Steinberg
In this episode, Priya Malani is joined by marital attorney Ian Steinberg for a candid conversation about prenups: what they are, what they aren’t, and why they matter more than you think. More than just legal protection, prenups are a tool for clarity, communication, and financial partnership. Especially when caregiving roles, debt, or business interests are involved. If you think prenups are only for the wealthy, this conversation will change your mind.
Priya and Ian break down the difference between marital and separate property, the risks of commingling assets, and how state laws can shape what happens in divorce if no agreement is in place.
Tune Into This Episode to Hear:
Why prenups aren’t just for rich people and how they protect both partners
The difference between marital and separate property (and how easily they get mixed)
How prenups can help safeguard caregiving roles, clarify debt, and reduce future conflict
What makes a prenup valid, and why timing and legal representation matter
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Transcription
Priya Malani: We tell people that getting a prenup is like wearing a seatbelt. It's precaution, not prediction. It doesn't mean that you're planning to crash, just that you're protecting yourself in case you do.
Hey everyone. Welcome to The F Word. Today's an exciting day—we welcome our very first guest, Ian Steinberg. Ian is an attorney who specializes in the legal side of love and money. He's a partner at (brace yourself) Berkman, Bottger, Newman and Schein, where he focuses on everything from prenups and postnups to complex divorces and custody issues. He’s been named a New York Super Lawyers Rising Star every year since 2021 and brings a rare combo of sharp negotiation skills and real empathy to a field that’s often, well, emotionally loaded.
Whether he’s litigating in court, mediating a split, or helping couples put a prenup in place before they tie the knot, Ian's all about creating clarity so people can move forward with confidence. Welcome, Ian. Thanks for joining me.
Ian Steinberg: Thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Priya Malani: So excited. Let’s jump into the good stuff. Prenups are a hot topic—and one I’ve become really passionate about lately as we’ve been helping couples figure out how to work as a money team.
Naturally, the idea of whether or not to merge accounts comes up. And when it does, people sometimes make rational, irrational, emotionally charged decisions. What I want to do today is help everyone understand the benefits of a prenup—especially when love and marriage are expected to be romantic and idealistic, “'til death do us part” and all that.
Bringing up a legal contract can feel like you're planning for failure—or at least preparing for it. That can feel really jarring or uncomfortable or maybe even a little cynical.
We always tell people: getting a prenup is like wearing a seatbelt. It doesn’t mean you’re planning to crash—just protecting yourself in case you do. So my question for you is: what would you say to someone who still feels like bringing up a prenup is inviting bad vibes into their relationship?
Ian Steinberg: I think it’s important to note that while there’s definitely a romantic side to getting married, you’re also entering into a business partnership—whether you think of it that way or not. I know that’s not the sexy way to look at it, but it’s reality. You’re merging your finances. It’s a business contract.
Your seatbelt analogy is great. I often use something similar: it’s an insurance policy. You get car insurance—you don’t expect to crash. You get home insurance—you hope your house doesn’t catch fire. We’re not saying, “because I’m doing this, my marriage will fail.” In fact, having these money conversations before marriage might actually make your relationship stronger.
Nobody goes into marriage knowing how divorce works—unless they have a reason to. So if nothing else, you’re having important money conversations before you merge your lives financially.
Priya Malani: Yes! Because even if you don’t merge accounts, you’re still legally merged. Right?
Ian Steinberg: You’re alluding to one of the most common misconceptions. I practice in New York, and here, title does not matter. Meaning, even if everything is in your name, your spouse is still entitled to half. Why? Because under New York law, anything earned during the marriage is marital property. It’s subject to division—typically an equal one.
It’s not about whose name the account is in; it’s about when the money was earned. That’s a major misunderstanding people have. “Oh, it’s in my account, so it’s mine.” Doesn’t matter. If it was earned during the marriage—it’s marital.
Priya Malani: So let’s say I have $10,000 in a checking account before I get married. Once I’m married, does that money become marital property?
Ian Steinberg: No. Because it was earned before the marriage, it’s considered separate property.
One of my big recommendations is that once you get married, you open a new bank account. That makes it clear: everything in your old account stays separate. Everything new goes into the marital account. It’s all about timing.
Priya Malani: What if I put new money—earned after marriage—into that original $10,000 account?
Ian Steinberg: Then you’ve commingled your separate and marital property. And most likely, the entire account becomes marital. Why? Because once you mix money and start spending from that account, it’s impossible to track what was spent—pre-marriage money or post-marriage money.
So yeah, it gets murky really fast.
Priya Malani: Wow. I remember one woman telling me she kept a chunk of cash in a separate account “just in case”—kind of like a flee-in-the-middle-of-the-night fund. But she also deposited and spent from it. So I guess, legally, that fund may not be considered separate anymore.
Ian Steinberg: Correct. If she spent it all, her spouse would likely be entitled to half of that value—probably from a different asset. In divorce, it all goes on a spreadsheet: what’s marital, what’s separate, what gets divided.
Priya Malani: And unless you have a prenup, the default is whatever your state decides?
Ian Steinberg: Exactly. In New York, we go by domestic relations law. It defines custody, support, and equitable distribution (how assets are split). A prenup gives you the ability to say, “Actually, we want to define what’s separate and what’s marital.”
One of my first questions when drafting a prenup is: How do you want your income to be treated? With a prenup, you can say income earned during the marriage remains separate if it stays in your name. That’s huge.
Priya Malani: Can you share a situation where the state’s default law didn’t align with someone’s expectations?
Ian Steinberg: Sure—owning a business. Let’s say Joe opens Joe’s Pizza during his marriage. His spouse helps in the beginning—tasting sauce, working shifts, doing bookkeeping. Later, she stays home with the kids.
That entire business? It’s marital property. Even if she stops working there. The court will assign a value to Joe’s Pizza, then determine what share she’s entitled to—based on both direct and indirect contributions. That’s a big surprise to people.
Priya Malani: What if someone doesn’t have a business yet, or doesn’t know what to include? Can their lawyer help guide that?
Ian Steinberg: Absolutely. That’s a huge part of our job. You don’t need to know everything upfront. We help educate, ask the right questions, and ensure you understand what you’re agreeing to.
Priya Malani: Okay, so let’s bust the myth: are prenups just for rich people?
Ian Steinberg: No. Not at all. If there’s family money, a business, or a big income gap—yes, they’re useful. But even couples who just want to keep their incomes separate need one.
Also, sometimes the less wealthy partner gets more protection in a prenup than they would under the law. For example, one partner might agree to more support or a housing provision in exchange for protecting a business.
Priya Malani: Let’s talk about caregivers. What if someone plans to step back for childcare or elder care? Can a prenup protect that person?
Ian Steinberg: It can. While we can’t address custody or child support in a prenup, we can condition things on caregiving. For example, we can outline spousal support if someone works less than a set number of hours or stops working entirely to care for family.
We can include lump-sum payments, housing support, or other provisions to acknowledge their unpaid labor and financial sacrifice.
Priya Malani: That’s so important. And like we said—this isn’t planning to fail. It’s preparing in case something changes.
Ian Steinberg: Right. When you plan your wedding, you plan the venue, flowers, DJ—why not also plan what happens if things go sideways? I always say: I live in your worst-case scenario. My job is to make sure you're protected.
Priya Malani: I also think having a prenup conversation shows you care. You’re making sure the person you love would be okay if something changes. That’s love too.
Ian Steinberg: I completely agree.
Priya Malani: What about liabilities—like student debt? Can a prenup protect you from your partner’s debt?
Ian Steinberg: Yes. Prenups can address debt just like assets. We typically include a schedule of assets and liabilities so everyone’s clear on what’s separate. You can also agree that debt stays separate—or that there’s reimbursement if marital money is used to pay it down.
Priya Malani: Could a couple just write this all down on paper themselves?
Ian Steinberg: Not really. There are legal requirements. Certain clauses require specific language, citations, and structure. Also, each person should have legal representation. That’s key for enforceability.
Priya Malani: So how early should couples start?
Ian Steinberg: Ideally six months before the wedding. It gives time for education, discussion, negotiation, and signing—without it being stressful.
Priya Malani: What about cost?
Ian Steinberg: It’s not based on net worth. It’s based on complexity—how many assets there are, how much negotiation is involved, how long it takes to draft and finalize.
Priya Malani: And postnups?
Ian Steinberg: Same content as a prenup—just signed after marriage. Sometimes it’s because the couple didn’t get around to it beforehand, or something changed (like a new business or major financial event).
Priya Malani: Have you seen any weird clauses?
Ian Steinberg: People always ask about cheating clauses—“Do I get more if they cheat?” It’s nearly impossible to define and enforce. What counts as cheating? How do you prove it?
Priya Malani: Have you seen prenups derail relationships?
Ian Steinberg: A few times, yes. But that’s better than ending up in a divorce later when you’re financially and emotionally entangled.
Best Bite (Podcast Tradition)
Priya Malani: Every guest leaves a food rec for the next one. I’ll start: fried steak Eno at San Sabino in the West Village—blew my mind.
Ian Steinberg: Ruby Rosa Supreme Pizza from Rubirosa on Mulberry Street. Mini meatballs, garlic, pepperoni—it’s perfect. Bonus: my wife and I got engaged there.
Priya Malani: How can people find you?
Ian Steinberg:
Website: www.berkbot.com
LinkedIn: Ian Steinberg
Instagram: @iansteinbergdivorcelawyer
Priya Malani: Amazing. Thanks so much, Ian. And to everyone listening—please like, follow, and share. See you next time!
